Help Your Children Build Grit with Tough Love

Adults who start BJJ quit for many reasons, too distracted, work, life changes, illness, etc.

But, with kids it’s very different. Kids start Jiu-Jitsu with enthusiasm. Everything is new and fun and they love it. Then around the third or fourth month (25-30 classes) their improvement starts to slow down. They hit the wall.

It starts to feel like they can’t improve and that all of the other kids are better than them. They start to compare themselves to others. It doesn’t matter that some of those kids might have been training for years and been to 200 or more classes.

They get frustrated, the fun stops and they want to quit.

It is the absolute worst time to quit.

This is the time when a kid can get the absolute maximum value from Jiu-Jitsu, a life lesson that will help them achieve literally anything they want in life.

They learn of the relationship between effort and outcomes. It’s not talent, genetics, or rich parents.

Effort is the #1 determinator of outcomes.

I have been astounded how many times I have had the following conversation with a parent following the third month:

Parent: “Little Johnny wants to quit. He is not having fun anymore.”

Me: “It’s normal. He just hit a dip in his learning curve. Give him another month or so, and he will make a break through and love it again.”

Parent: “I want him to make his own decisions. He wants to try a different sport. Please cancel our membership.”

Me: Broken hearted and frustrated. “Ok.”

In my opinion, that conversation is insane.

I don’t know about your kids, but when my boys were 7-11 years old they were savages. They actively avoided anything that might be good for them. If they had it their way they would play Minecraft 12 hours a day and live on Mountain Dew, chips, and cake.

As far as they were concerned vegetables were invented as a type of child torture and exercise was to be avoided at all costs.

I am exaggerating (slightly), but you get my meaning.

99% of kids (and adults) choose comfort over anything slightly difficult or unfamiliar.

This is the time for tough love.

I know how hard it is to drag a kid pitching a fit to practice. My kids were on swim team and summer 6:00 am practices were not popular, but I believe they helped our kids become more resilient, “gritty” adults.

It’s a lesson well worth the pain and suffering they will put you through.

My biggest suggestion is that you set goals with your child. Plan for at least six months of Jiu-Jitsu and then sprinkle in another activity. I have designed the program for exactly that. Kids can leave and go and play another sport like baseball or basketball and then come back and pick up right where they left off.

Some of the kids who stayed the longest went on to excel at other sports in high school, or even college.

Jiu-Jitsu works.